how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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