Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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