dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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