Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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