My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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