The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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