dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
