know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
