Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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