I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
