Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
