Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
