It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
