is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
