and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
