I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
