they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
