3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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