it's too hot outside to masturbate.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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