1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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