Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
