He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
