I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
