I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
