I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
