OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
