There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
