at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
