Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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