Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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