I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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