Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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