Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
