You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
