I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
