Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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