so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm getting married
To pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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