I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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