well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
