New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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