Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
