Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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