when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
