my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
