Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just cut my nipple shaving
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
