Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
