Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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