their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
