To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
