The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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