i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
