3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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