I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.