I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
