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a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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