Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.

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(815): View more from Illinois

we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(773): View more from Illinois

Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

(773): View more from Illinois

You spelled "worthless" wrong.

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(646): View more from New York

vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic

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(951): View more from California

better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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(309): View more from Illinois

Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.

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(585): View more from New York

When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.

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