so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
