how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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