Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.