tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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