Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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