I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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