Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
