he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
