Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
