Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
