His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
