k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You need a sexual gate keeper
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
