Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
being pregnant is like rehab
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
