goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
