I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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