Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
